Because some wounds only Heaven can heal.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18
Let me say this plainly: If I didn’t know Jesus during that season when my marriage fell apart, I wouldn’t be here.
There’s no poetic way to wrap it. The pain was suffocating. The judgment was relentless. The whispers, the false accusations, the weight of trying to hold my life together when everything around me was unraveling—it was almost too much.
But Jesus.
Jesus was the only one who never walked away from me. When people turned their backs, when my story was misunderstood or misrepresented, He stayed. And He whispered to my broken heart, “I see it all. I’ve got you.”
This is for the woman whose heart has been shattered but is still showing up every day—for her kids, for her job, for the life she’s trying to rebuild. This is for the one wondering if God has anything beautiful left for her.
I want to tell you what He told me:
You’re not forgotten.
You’re not disqualified.
And this isn’t the end.
The Day After Mother’s Day
It didn’t all come crashing down the day I found the illicit videos. That moment had actually happened months earlier—when I came across disturbing content on Madison’s jump drive that shook me to the core.
I didn’t react publicly. I didn’t storm out.
Instead, I took it to Jesus.
I prayed. I journaled. I sat with the Lord and waited for His timing.
Because deep down, I knew—this wasn’t just about me. It was about my daughter. Her safety. Her future. Her healing.
I needed to be strategic. I needed to be Spirit-led.
I quietly held that truth through the holidays. Through the silent months.
I returned to work. I worshipped. I wore my lipstick like war paint. And I kept waiting on the Lord to show me when and how to move forward.
Then came Mother’s Day. And the very next morning, I knew—it was time.
I asked my then-husband three times to tell the truth.
Three times I gave him the opportunity to come clean.
And three times, he lied.
That was the moment when everything finally broke open.
The silence was over.
The waiting season was done.
And the Lord impressed deeply on my heart that this was never His intention for marriage. That this wasn’t the covenant He designed. And in His love, He gently showed me it was time to move forward—to begin gathering the broken pieces and trust Him to rebuild something beautiful for both me and Madison.
After the Confrontation
After I confronted him, we both continued living under the same roof for a time. It wasn’t my plan or preference—it was a difficult and complicated season.
While I stayed focused on mothering Madison and working full-time to provide stability, he chose to share his version of the story with others.
I wasn’t in a place emotionally to chase down who said what or try to defend myself to every ear that had heard a twisted version of events. I didn’t have the bandwidth for that. And truthfully, I decided that if someone wasn’t mature or prayerful enough to seek both sides of the story, they probably weren’t meant to walk closely with me in the next season anyway.
Some days I barely held it together. I cried quietly while folding laundry. I journaled in the dark. I kept showing up to work with a smile on my face and worship in my earbuds. The loneliness of being misunderstood—especially by people in the church—cut deeper than I can explain.
People didn’t want to hear my side.
They believed what they were told because it was easier.
And because I was the one who took a stand for truth, I was painted as the one who “gave up.”
But I didn’t give up. I gave it to God.
There’s a difference.
What Most People Didn’t See
They didn’t see how God brought exactly the right people into my life at the exact right time. I didn’t go searching for the Women’s Interval Home—through a series of difficult circumstances, it landed in my lap. And through it, the Lord surrounded me with strong Christian women who loved me where I was, helped me understand the trauma I had lived through for twenty years, and gently guided me toward healing.
They didn’t see the tears I cried during worship, or the prayers I whispered in the dark when sleep wouldn’t come. They didn’t see the emotional weight I carried while trying to keep things steady for Madison, all while feeling like I was unraveling quietly at the seams.
They didn’t see the cost of my decision—because obedience always costs something.
But God saw it.
And He was faithful in every moment.
The Thrift Store Gift
Three weeks before I found the videos, I had started managing a Christian thrift store.
At the time, I thought it was just a job—my first full-time role since recovering from cancer. I had no idea it would become a sanctuary of healing for me.
In the middle of the chaos at home, the store gave me a reason to get up, get dressed, and breathe again. It gave me a space to worship while tagging clothes and talk to Jesus while steaming blouses. I expressed my creativity through the store windows, curated outfits, and turned the space into a place of joy—for me and for everyone who walked in.
Dressing up each day helped me feel human again.
Bringing colour to a dark season helped me remember who I was.
And helping others, even when I was hurting, brought unexpected comfort.
It was therapy disguised as retail ministry.
When Popcorn Was Ministry
I won’t pretend every day was victorious. Some days were plain survival.
There were nights I’d collapse into the couch after Madison went to bed, too exhausted to cry or pray. So I’d grab a bowl of Chicago Mix popcorn—the kind with caramel and cheese all swirled together—and just sit in silence.
I’d thank God for even the tiniest moment of sweetness. That bowl of popcorn didn’t heal me, but in some strange way, it comforted me. It reminded me that small things still mattered. That there was still goodness tucked into the cracks of broken seasons.
Sometimes we don’t need a mountaintop moment. We just need a couch, a bowl of popcorn, and the quiet assurance that God is still with us.
Why I Didn’t Fall Apart
So why didn’t I fall apart completely?
Because even when I didn’t have the words, I had His name.
I would sit with a coffee mug in one hand and whisper, “Jesus” again and again.
When the tears wouldn’t stop.
When the anger rose up.
When the loneliness felt unbearable.
I just called His name.
That name holds power.
That name never failed me.
And even when I didn’t know how to pray—I knew how to call.
I didn’t listen to soft worship playlists. I needed fire.
Old-fashioned, Spirit-filled, miracle-working worship blared through my house like an alarm against the enemy.
My living room became a battlefield.
My tears became weapons.
And my praise became warfare.
My Heart for Him
Let me be clear—I don’t share this story to vilify my ex-husband.
What he struggled with was serious. But sin is sin, and we all fall short. My prayer is that he finds full healing, restoration, and a life of holiness. I truly want him to walk in the freedom Christ died to give him. I want eternity for him.
This isn’t about dragging someone’s name through the mud. It’s about pulling other women out of the dirt they feel buried in.
There is always hope.
There is always healing.
And there is always more with Jesus.
What Helped Me Heal
Here are a few practical and spiritual things that helped carry me through:
1. Call on the name of Jesus.
When you don’t know what to say, just say His name. There is power in it.
2. Talk to Him like He’s at your table.
Because He is. I poured out my heart to Him over breakfast, in the car, during my thrift store shifts. He always listened.
3. Worship like it’s your weapon.
I turned my home into a revival tent. I played music that shook the atmosphere and sang through tears.
4. Let go of the need for apology.
Forgiveness is freedom. You don’t need closure to walk in healing. God can give you closure with or without a conversation.
5. Find joy in small things.
Popcorn. Thrift store joy. Compliments from strangers. A bright lipstick. A quiet walk. These are God’s gifts in disguise.
6. Refuse to let go of your calling.
Even when people misunderstood me. Even when they turned away. God never changed His mind about my purpose.
For the Woman Who’s Still in It
If your heart is in pieces and you feel like no one understands—He does.
If the people around you have believed lies instead of truth—He hasn’t.
If you feel like you’re walking through fire—He is in the fire with you.
This isn’t the end.
It’s the beginning of a healing you didn’t know was possible.
You’re not just going to survive this—you’re going to come out radiant.
“If God is for us, who can be against us?” – Romans 8:31
And if all you can do today is whisper His name and finish a bowl of popcorn—that’s enough.
He’s closer than you think.