Holding onto Faith When the Diagnosis Hurts More Than the Disease
“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”
— Psalm 27:13
I didn’t sign up for cancer.
I didn’t sign up to hear the word tumour from a doctor’s lips or to walk into that clinic with faith in my heart and fear in my stomach. I didn’t check a box that said, “Yes, please, God—use me to show Your power by letting my body break down first.”
But there I was.
Just after my 40th birthday.
Running a thriving tearoom business. Living in what felt like my prime.
And then — life flipped the table.
There’s no sugar-coating the shock.
There’s no sparkle filter you can slap on a cancer diagnosis.
There’s just silence. Questions. Grief. And then…the fight.
I Never Wanted It — But God Still Used It
I never wanted that diagnosis.
And I still believe with everything in me: God didn’t give it to me.
We live in a broken, fallen world. The Bible says in John 16:33, “In this world, you will have trouble.” Not might. Will. But the verse doesn’t end there— “But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Bad things happen.
Even to good people.
Even to faith-filled, joy-spilling, Scripture-quoting Jesus lovers.
That doesn’t mean God has abandoned you.
It doesn’t mean you’re broken beyond repair.
And it absolutely doesn’t mean the enemy wins.
There’s Purpose in the Pain
When I got that diagnosis, it wasn’t just a health crisis.
It was a spiritual showdown.
I had to decide—right then and there—“Do I believe what I’ve been preaching?”
I’d spent years encouraging others.
Years telling people God was faithful.
Years dancing, laughing, praising.
Now it was my turn to see if I could walk what I talked when everything inside me wanted to curl up and disappear.
And let me tell you— I didn’t walk it perfectly.
There were tears.
There were late nights.
There were moments I cried out, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24)
But there was never a moment He left my side.
When It Feels Unfair
Let’s talk honestly.
When something hits you out of nowhere—cancer, chronic illness, a tragic accident, infertility, grief—it can feel so deeply unfair.
You want to scream:
“But God, I serve You.”
“But God, I tithe.”
“But God, I pray and fast and believe.”
And guess what? He can handle those questions.
But here’s the thing we often forget:
God never promised a life free from pain.
He promised a life full of His presence in the pain.
And there’s no hospital room, no chemo chair, no weeping corner of the bathroom floor that God won’t meet you in.
How I Kept My Joy When Everything Looked Broken
There were days I didn’t want to sing.
There were days I didn’t want to put on makeup or fashion a wig or smile through the tears.
But I made a decision:
- I was going to fill my atmosphere with praise.
- I was going to surround myself with what I call “tank-fillers” — not the tank takers!
- I was going to fight—not just physically—but spiritually.
Here’s what helped me stay standing when my world was falling apart:
1. I kept the Bible open—literally.
Even when I couldn’t focus to read it all, I kept it beside me. I’d flip to Jeremiah 29:11 and remind myself, “God still has a plan for me.”
2. I filled my home with powerful, faith-building voices.
Back then, I didn’t have podcasts or YouTube clips on-demand. I dug out the old-school faith generals—the ones who believed in signs, wonders, and miracles. I listened to A.A. Allen, T.L. Osborne, Kenneth Hagin, R.W. Shambach, Smith Wigglesworth, John G. Lake and one of my modern day favourites….Ted Shuttlesworth Sr. Their bold declarations stirred something in me. They reminded me that our God is still a miracle-working God.
3. I played worship music softly in the background—day and night, or whenever I was up.
I wasn’t laying in bed with the blinds closed—I was moving, praising, pressing through. And that worship was always playing in my kitchen. One of my lifelines was Darlene Zschech’s new release at the time of my diagnosis. She had a spontaneous moment on that CD declaring, “Cancer shall be no more,” and I clung to that. I sang it. I wept through it. It became a battle cry. I also soaked in Kari Jobe’s Worship CD’s on shuffle along with the “Selah Hymns” Album. It wasn’t just music. It was medicine.
4. I spoke life over myself daily.
Even if my voice was weak and shaking, I spoke healing over my body. I said what the Word said, even when I didn’t feel it:
- “I will live and not die.”
- “By His stripes, I am healed.”
- “God is working all things together for my good.”
- “I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”
(Proverbs 18:21 says, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue.” So speak life. Even when your heart is breaking.)
5. I surrounded myself with believers who could hold up my arms.
I had Louie and Ruth—true prayer warriors who interceded when I had no strength. They didn’t just “hope” I’d get better—they believed God for a miracle. They showed up. They checked in. They refused to let me go under. Everyone needs a Louie and a Ruth in their corner.
The Valley Is Not the End of the Story
Everyone loves a mountaintop moment.
But it’s in the valley where you learn how to trust God with your whole heart.
It’s where you meet the Comforter.
It’s where your worship becomes a weapon.
It’s where you find out that even when healing hasn’t arrived yet, hope still can.
He is still Jehovah Rapha—the God who heals.
He is still the Resurrection and the Life.
He is still the Miracle Worker.
Even in the diagnosis.
Even in the unanswered questions.
Even in the valley.
What to Do When You’re in the Fight of Your Life
If you’re walking through a dark season—a health crisis, a chronic illness, a hopeless prognosis—here are some practical, powerful steps to anchor your spirit:
Action Steps When the Diagnosis Feels Bigger Than the Destiny
- Talk to God honestly.
- You don’t have to pretty it up. Pour it all out. He can handle your pain, your doubt, your raw honesty.
- Keep Scripture visible and accessible.
Tape verses to your mirror. Post them by your bed. Let the Word fight for you when you can’t.
Start with:- Jeremiah 29:11
- Psalm 91
- Isaiah 53:5
- Mark 9:24
- Psalm 27:13
- Create a faith-filled atmosphere.
Set the tone in your home. Keep worship music going. Let your space breathe belief. - Find “tank-fillers.”
Surround yourself with those who will lift you up, not drain you. People who will pray, prophesy, and praise on your behalf when you’re weary. - Declare life out loud.
Even if you whisper it at first—say what God says. Keep saying it. His Word never returns void. - Celebrate the small things.
Woke up today? That’s grace. Laughed for the first time in a while? Miracle. Took a step without pain? Praise Him. Don’t wait for the big miracle to give Him glory—praise Him on the journey.
This Isn’t the End
Friend, I don’t know why this happened to you.
But I do know it won’t define you.
Sometimes we may never understand why bad things happen to good people. But with God, even broken people become bold warriors. Even sickness can become a stage for healing. And even the worst news can still lead to the best testimony.
The diagnosis is not your identity.
The treatment is not the end of your story.
The valley is not your burial ground.
God is not finished with you.
He’s still writing.
Still working.
Still healing.
Still turning ashes into beauty.
So today—choose life.
Choose to believe.
Choose to speak the Word.
Choose to keep walking, even when it hurts.
The mountain may be big.
But your God is bigger.
“The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you.”
— Romans 8:11