Some stories are hard to tell. Some wounds cut so deep that even years later, the scars remind you of the battles you fought.
But if my story can help someone else walk through their valley with faith—then every tear, every heartbreak, and every painful moment was not in vain.
My Story of Divorce
I was married for over 20 years to someone who undeniably struggled with a pornography addiction. It was a silent battle—one that I didn’t share with anyone. Not a single soul. The shame, the guilt, the disgust—I carried it all alone.
I was a woman of faith, raised in the church, married to a fellow believer. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
I convinced myself that if I prayed harder, if I became a better wife, if I cooked better, looked better, worked harder, succeeded more, then maybe—just maybe—the problem would disappear. I told myself that God would fix it if I just stayed faithful.
At the three-month mark of our marriage, I quietly removed my wedding ring. I placed it in my jewelry box, making a vow to myself: When this is fixed, I’ll wear it again.
I never wore my wedding ring again.
The Silent Struggle of Pornography Addiction
Pornography addiction is a beast.
It’s not “just a little problem.” It rewires the brain, much like heroin, creating a dependency that changes a person from the inside out. Over the years, I watched the man I married become someone I no longer recognized.
The addiction didn’t just affect him—it devastated me. When I found explicit videos on a jump drive meant for my autistic daughter’s school computer, the heartbreak was indescribable. I felt sick. Betrayed.
I was curled up on the floor in a fetal position, rocking back and forth… hardly able to catch my breath between the wailing hysterical cries. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I could line up every woman in town, and felt my husband had been intimate with them all.
It sounds extreme, but when you’re walking through this, it feels that real. The loss was unbearable and gut-wrenching on every level.
I busied myself with work, running multiple businesses, anything to avoid the pain. But no amount of distraction could change the reality that my marriage was crumbling, and my heart was shattering in the process.
Then, as if the weight of my marriage wasn’t enough, I was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer.
The Turning Point—God’s Healing and a Shift in Perspective
That diagnosis could have broken me. But instead, God healed me—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And in that healing, my entire perspective shifted.
I had spent years carrying around false responsibility, believing that I could fix something that was never mine to fix. I had been living in a toxic marriage, chained to the belief that if I just held on longer, prayed harder, things would change.
God never intended for marriage to be a prison of addiction and pain, and a playground to support pornography.
I realized something crucial: You cannot want healing for someone more than they want it for themselves. As much as I prayed, as much as I hoped for a miracle to visit my house, true freedom from addiction had to be his choice.
And he wasn’t choosing it.
What Does the Bible Say About Pornography?
Many Christians downplay pornography as “not a big deal” or “just a bad habit,” but let’s be clear—God takes sexual purity seriously.
The word “pornography” comes from two Greek words found in the original biblical text: “porneia” and “graphe.”
- “Graphe” means “writings.”
- “Porneia” refers to sexual immorality.
In biblical times, “porneia” covered any kind of sexual sin—including adultery, fornication, and lustful actions. In fact, Jesus Himself addressed this directly:
“But I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28)
Pornography is adultery. Period.
When God gave the Ten Commandments, He made it clear:
“You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14).
Some might argue, “It’s just looking. I’m not actually doing anything.”
But Jesus teaches that God’s standard of purity is about the heart and mind—not just physical acts. If watching pornography is lusting in your heart, then it is adultery in God’s eyes.
This truth changed how I saw my situation. My marriage wasn’t just struggling; it was drowning in repeated, unrepentant sin.
And porneia is the one sin Jesus specifically says is grounds for divorce (Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19:9).
I had spent years trying to “hold my marriage together,” believing I had no choice but to endure. But the Bible itself recognized my pain—and gave me permission to walk away.
That was a tug-of-war decision that played ping pong in my brian for over 20 years, as I remained quiet with the secret.
The Church’s Response to My Decision
This is where things got even harder. Instead of support, I was met with judgment… to my shock and sadness.
The church—the very place where healing should happen—struggled with how to handle this kind of storm. They were unskilled with the tools to help or guide either of us in the right direction.
I’ve heard of this so many times from people that have walked a similar path to mine.
In fact, I have talked to people that told me a porn addiction had led their loved ones straight to jail, and even people in a position of leadership within the church. Sin has no boundaries, and will take you further than you ever thought you would go.
This is such a heartbreaking, devastating, repeated story I keep hearing in all ages and walks of life… and is one of the reasons I have chosen to talk about this. It seems to be a familiar topic to be swept under the carpet and put on the shelf everywhere you go.
The only preacher I ever heard talk about this delicate topic was Ted Shuttlesworth Sr., and it was an eye-opener for me to make a pivot for the direction of my future. Tragically, I had been waiting to hear a message like his from the pulpit… for over 20 years.
It is heartbreaking to realize this is just now the reality of the modern day church.
People I had known for 20 years—friends who had prayed with me, laughed with me, worshiped with me—walked away without a conversation. To this day, some still keep their distance.
Learning to Forgive with Faith
Despite all of this, grace and forgiveness carried me! You heard me right. Grace and forgiveness carried me!
If I hadn’t had a deep, unshakable faith in Jesus, I could have easily walked away from the church altogether. I could have let bitterness take root, let the betrayal define me.
But I refused.
Instead, I chose to forgive—not just my ex husband, but also the people in the church who misunderstood, judged, or abandoned me.
How to Forgive When It Feels Impossible
Forgiveness is not easy. It’s not a one-time decision. It’s a daily choice—sometimes an hourly choice.
Here are the steps that helped me move forward:
1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve
Divorce is a loss. Even when it’s necessary, it still hurts. Let yourself feel the pain, but don’t let it define you.
2. Shift Your Focus to God’s Plan for Your Future
Instead of dwelling on the betrayal, I had to shift my focus to what God was calling me to. He had more for me.
3. Pray for the Person Who Hurt You
This one is tough. But Jesus calls us to pray for our enemies (Matthew 5:44).
My ex wasn’t my enemy, but his addiction made him someone I didn’t recognize. I had to pray—not just for my healing, but for his, too.
4. Release the Need for Justice
God sees everything. He knows the truth. Even when people believe lies, God is your defender.
Romans 12:19 says, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath.” Let God handle what you cannot.
5. Replace Bitterness with Purpose
Bitterness steals your joy. I refused to let my past steal my future. Instead, I used my pain to help others.
God’s Redemption: What the Enemy Meant for Evil, God Turned for Good
After my divorce, there were days I felt paralyzed by the pain. Days where I questioned if I could keep going. But here’s what I know:
God sees. God knows. God redeems.
Even when people fail you, God never does. Even when your world falls apart, He is still writing your story.
Romans 8:31 says, “If God is for us, who can be against us?”
I had to learn to let the opinions of others roll off my back. To keep moving forward. To keep my eyes on Jesus. To love boldly, forgive fully, and walk in the joy of the Lord.
Oh, and let’s not forget one more key survival tactic during this season: I ate an absurd amount of Chicago Mix popcorn. (Hey, sometimes, you just need a snack to get you through!)
Final Encouragement
If you are walking through divorce, addiction, betrayal—you are not alone.
God has great plans for you. Plans bigger than your pain.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean what happened was okay. It means you are choosing freedom.
Faith and forgiveness are the keys that unlocked my future. They are what kept me standing when everything else tried to knock me down.
And they will do the same for you.
Hold on. Keep your faith. Let God heal your heart.
And trust—what the enemy meant for evil, God will turn for good.